I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
