i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
