And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Im part way to drunk.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
