You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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