weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
