DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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