It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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