Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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