that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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