sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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