I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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