That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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