Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize