my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
