k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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