The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Damn victory sex feels great
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
