My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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