WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
