He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
