Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
