i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
