I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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