I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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