How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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