I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
