You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
