Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
