True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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