it was like having sex with a tree stump
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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