My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
