i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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