i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
