I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
