if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you had me at cake vodka
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize