he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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