Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
