you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Terrible idea I love it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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