mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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