Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
