Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
