the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize
