God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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