I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
