i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
