I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
