We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
