A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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