If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
