i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
