I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize