shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
