you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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