I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
