pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
