Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
