It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
