Me. At least after what I've been through.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
