How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
