Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You can't motorboat a personality
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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