I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
