it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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