I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it's like heaven, but drunker
The air was thick with penises
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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