you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
