how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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