he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
