I accidentally had phone sex last night
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
