just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
