There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
