My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
