he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
