it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
