I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
