Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
