I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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