So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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