So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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