I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
