I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize