We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They took my balls.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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