i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
