I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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