Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
