you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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