seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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