Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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