Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize