My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
