Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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