I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
