He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
