It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
