but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
