She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
