she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
