i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
