I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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