I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
