she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
