Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
