I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
