The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
