I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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